tapestry

In my last post I mentioned that I was going to make a move back to California.  Well as it usually happens I made plans and God laughed…the god of my understanding has a tremendous sense of humor.  Suffice it to say that that trip didn’t happen and I am not in California.  One of the benefits of working on my own evolution of consciousness is that I am getting better, not the best for sure at paying attention.  I think it is demonstrated by the fact that I have honed that sense that I find myself in Sidney, Nebraksa, which I will now call home.  The “road to home” and finding home however was paved with some wonderful opportunities for me and has provided me with a greater understanding of what home means to me.  This morning as I woke I knew it was time to come back to these pages and continue my work, and share with you the discovery that the last 60 days has provided me.  I always know that if I really pay attention signs will come to me about next steps, and this morning’s Hazelden quote is no exception here is the quote for July 27, 2008~~

“Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom, which flows through your life.  Then, without effort, you are impelled to truth and to perfect contentment.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love language and words and the word that jumped out at me in this quote is “impelled”, when I looked up the definition of it I liked it even more  “to drive or cause to move onward; propel; impart motion to“.  This even brought more meaning to the day and my topic of finding home.  You see I left Colorado with only one thought in mind, I needed to keep moving.  Not the running away that I had become common during my drinking days, but rather  create movement, momemtum, mandatory motion as I have felt is key to our sense of direction.  It is only when we are moving toward something do we know if that is where we are supposed to be.  I now know that I was impelled, and that is how I discovered home again for me.  

Thirty three years ago I left my home state of Nebraska, and honestly never looked back.  I was still in college and already very practiced in my drinking career.  My life has afforded me some incredible opportunities, chances to see and do things that many in my home state probably won’t ever see or do.  And what the last 60 days has done is brought me back to my home state of Nebraksa.  You see I had to leave what I thought was my home to learn what home really is. 

I traveled from Pagosa across many miles that I had covered before, visited places that I had been before in much younger skin, saw and connected with friends that I hadn’t seen in many years.  I literally had to take a road trip to find home.  And all of the miles that I put on me and Isabella in the last 60 days have led me to one conclusion  Home isn’t a place, an address, a relationship, a job….home is wherever I am that peace resides.  It is an inner place, not necessarily associated with a physical address.  I learned this through the process of being homeless and jobless where the things that I had in my possession were the things that I had learned living in the mountains were what was important, and those were few.  My journal, my animal medicine cards that carry wisdom when I choose to use them, my laptop because I am an information junkie, and probably most important my companion Isabella who turned 5 this past week.

During this past 60 days I also met someone that I am certain I will never forget.  It has been said that we all have a twin, someone that is an absolute reflection of who we are, how we show up in the world and comes into our world to provide an accurate reflection of our soul.  My encounter with my twin was brief, but likely one of the most powerful experiences I have ever had.  And what I realize is that in order for me to meet and experience this beautiful soul I had to come home, to me and to my home state.  I am dreadfully sad it was such a brief encounter, and continue to pray…for more.

Joseph Campbell’s, “The Hero’s Journey” is the only reason I can explain why I am here because for anyone who knows me knows this new life defies logic as we know it.  But what I am going to do is invite you to continue with me on this adveventure in the heart of America…because it is the heart and I believe I have much to learn from being here.