tapestry

Each morning I try to start my day with a reading of some type, sometimes it is something as small as the perpetual calendar I have of Marianne Williamson’s quotes near the coffee pot, or it might be a favorite book or even the drawing of a Medicine Card.  For the last 12 years  most mornings I  pull out the old black and white composition journal and go to those pages with my feelings.  Anyone who knows me well,  knows it has been a major part of my own inner growth. 

This morning I was reflecting on that practice and what I have gained from doing it. What I realize is that through those pages, and my diligence in writing I have become more aware…of self.  I often return to a the library of journals I have to “see what was happening” in my life at that particular time.  The gift I recieve from doing that is to see how much I have grown and changed over the years.  In the pages of my journal I have worked out many of the issues that I found a used to need to disappear myself over.  I have seen how even in the greatest pain I have een able to pull myself up and move forward.  The qualities that surface from the self reflection are wonderful reminders of who I really am…

I have worked out a lot of “stuff” in my journal.  Most of the time after getting everything out between those two lines I come to some greater understanding of me and my part in it.  I can see the self absorbed person that I become most of the time before I reach understanding.  And in between those two cardboard bookends of the journal I have found forgiveness, profound pain, and a deep love of my self. 

I often quote ” a life unexamined is not worth living”….so I wonder today what type of process you go through to examine your life. 

•  Are you in touch with the things that bring you joy?
• Who was the last person you really had to forgive?  Have you done that, and how do you know if you have?
• Are you in a relationship with someone that you shouldn’t be?  Do you know what part of you keeps you there?
• Are you playing small in your job or life?  What happens to keep you there?
• If someone asked you how you knew you had grown in the last 5 years what would you say?

What is the value of self-awareness?  For me it is knowing your core during the diffiuclt times, knowing how you will respond and not react.  It is knowing that when something happens you will know what to do.  And it is what will keep you sane when the outside world is thinking something different…bottom line it is being comfortable in your own skin.